Day 2- more waking hours alone with Oscar

I got up today to find out how old I am. OLD!

Each passing week weird things are added to my list of ailments; pimples where no man has gone before, rough skin on the side of my nose- seriously! creaking and crackling knees, sore gums (OK I should floss more) GRAY hair- say it isn't so! And today- back cramps. Back Cramps??? I haven't lifted anything heavier than Oscar since the day I got married, so what is this?? Now even though I had the heating pad on, and was dressing at a snail's pace, I realized there was NO way I could make it in on time this morning. I had to call my boss!

Now normally a day off from work would be a welcomed change, but now that I teach I actually feel guilty about not going in. Each time I hand my students over to a sub, I feel like I am abandoning them; I see sad, lost, confused faces that turn to anger. I feel like a bad mom.

I have myself been a sub on many occasions and though nine-out-of-ten times I win them over and deliver an effective lesson, I do know that this is, in part, due to my theatrical skills and my ability to be a performing monkey. This requires one to leave all self-respect at the door and behave in ways that would not be appropriate for "This is your life".

On those occasions that I do not win them over, I feel like there is a noose around my neck and the other end is attached to an anvil dangling out the window! Worse of all, the students are holding the rope and ONE FALSE MOVE and they will release the rope.

I feel for those teachers who never make it off the sub list. I think you have to have the presence of mind to know that after years of teaching, if you are still on the sub list, this baby is not for you. I recently quoted my favorite teacher to a friend and I will regurgitate that quote now. Philip Stanbury used to say "Don't dig the same hole deeper, dig a different hole". Now I don't know if this was an original or if he got that from someone else, but he was full of good advice so I wouldn't be surprised. But often, these teachers cant see the hole because they are in too deep, so they keep trying and the students keep complaining! In the end there is a need for them. Without them, we would have had far fewer people to torment in high school.

I think the pills are kicking in. I can sit up straight! Maybe Oscar can get a walk now.

"Hey buddy, wanna go for a wa..." and of he goes!